Is it just me, or are things amiss when it’s 2 p.m and I can see my breath inside my house?

Yes, I’m aware that our ancestors survived for tens of thousands of years, through ice ages and even prehistoric Chicago winters, without the benefits of central heat. (And I would not say no to a mammoth fur hoodie right now.) But this is 2007. It’s the middle of the afternoon on December 5 and I can see my breath. In my kitchen. That’s all I’m saying.

While I’m here, may as well post the latest Bad English T-shirt O’ the Week, fresh from Kyoto. And it’s a doozie, I don’t mind telling you. Feast your eyes on the following. The mind reels, doesn’t it?

Today’s Bad English T-shirt O’ the Week. Were truer words ever spoken? Frankly, your guess is as good as mine.

One of my favorite things about Japan is that despite the fact that almost nobody speaks English (I don’t care what you’ve heard – but more on that later), they’re obsessed with clothing that’s got English words and phrases on it. Most of the time, the words are just gibberish, a random string of nouns, verbs, adjectives and particles that give the illusion of syntax. They have no idea what it says, and they couldn’t care less. But sometimes … it’s not gibberish. I give you Exhibit A: a kid I spotted with his father in Starbucks this morning. Cute, huh?

It’s almost too easy to get photos like this. In fact, I may make this a regular feature: English T-shirt O’ the Week.

Speaking of Starbucks, it’s actually only the second time I’ve been to the one here; it’s a long way away from where I live. Like so much of Japan, it looks familiar on the surface, but that’s where the similarities end. Example: they had bagels in the pastry cabinet next to the register – the first I’ve seen in Japan. A bagel sounded great this morning, until I learned they couldn’t toast it and had no cream cheese. “There’s no need for cheese,” the clerk explained to my Japanese-speaking friend, as if I’d asked for a shrunken head. “Flavor is already in it.”